he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
