Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
