She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
