its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
