my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
