Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
