just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
