Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
