My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
