How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
