ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
