its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
