I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i drank out of a bidet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
