dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
