I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
