Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
