Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
