So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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