I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
