Need sex. Gaining weight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize