I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cannot find my penis.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
