I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
