Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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