She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
