Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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