In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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