some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
