It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
