There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
