Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
