My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
