So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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