Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
