I wish I could teleport
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
