Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
MIDGETS
????
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
