did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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