Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
