Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
