PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize
