I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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