"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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