things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
zippers are such a cool invention
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
