Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
