She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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