is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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