You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
