I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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