walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
