I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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