I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
