wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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