She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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