Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
