there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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