Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
