so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
