I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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