I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
