Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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