ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
