I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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