some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
