im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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