I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
