he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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