I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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