you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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