I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
