Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
