I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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