Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
