every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
