Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
