If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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