the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
