my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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