What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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