she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
