I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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