just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He did a backflip because drugs
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