I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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