dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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