thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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