I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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