i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
