I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
