I wish I could punch you in the face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
