I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
