So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
