overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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