I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
