Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
