Banned from zoo.
Again?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
