It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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