Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
