Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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